I am about to embark on one of the longest cries I’ve ever had…I am in love…I am in love so deep that it hurts me physically to imagine my life without this man…we fight and we argue but we love harder than we fight and we laugh harder than we argue…I am also about to pray the hardest I’ve ever prayed because…ever since I was a little girl and I was rejected over and over the one thing I always prayed for was that the first real man to step up to me…would be the last one and the only one for the rest of my life…I know its him because its the only prayer I’ve ever been consistent with and ive been ignored rejected and made to feel like I wasn’t good enough and I know that God didn’t give me this beautiful man only to take him away…I’ve not been an extremely religious person but at the same time I’ve not ever lost my faith…I know who the lord is and I know he is a loving forgiving God as well as a vengeful God who has shown his wrath on this world many a time…but I know with everything that I have that this is the man I am meant to be with. From the day I met him I didn’t even like him and I was ready to be a total jerk to him like every other man I’d met but at the last moment I felt something in my heart that told me give him a chance…he’s different….he’s special and in all my years and all the crushes I’ve had none of them gave me that feeling to fight for them I normally let them go…but this man beguiled me…he enchants me he brings me to this place in my heart and my soul where everything is beautiful every touch is amazing every new discovery is just the most fantastic thing in the world…and I know that God didn’t give me all that….he didn’t give me the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted…in the hard life I’ve had to take it away. So I am about to pray to my God my loving God and ask him to bring this man to me…to keep him with me so that he and I could make this world just that much more bearable….and that we find eternal joy in him and in eachother….
When you just can’t anymore…you need someone who can
I hate my life…I hate myself why don’t I know how to be normal…why can’t I be normal I just wanna curl up and die…not like anyone would miss me after a while